foodcourts

I donapos;t seem to ever post any happy entries only sad ones on bad days. I feel like Rachel has been distant lately, I know weapos;re not together or anything but itapos;s still very distressing. Right now she is the only person I could imagine myself ever being with right now. Sheapos;s the only person I can imagine ever waking up to, or getting married to, or having kids with or any of that; and I know that may sound scary to some of you but thatapos;s really what i want someday. I want to be able to wake up to the same beautiful face of the woman who loves me everyday, I want to be able to watch my kids grow up and I�want just for everything to work out for once. It seems like Amber has already moved on long ago, onto her second relationship and Iapos;m still inching my way away from it all. They say the last part of moving on is finding someone new. I�guess the problem is I canapos;t, I canapos;t find someone new because my someone and I canapos;t be together, not yet. I want for once in my life to be able to be happy with the girl that loves me like I�do her. For once in my life a break from the drama, from the torture, from the loneliness would be exceptional. I wish I would stop thinking so much, anyone know how to turn off your brain?

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